So what WAS She Doing?
by Ryuu Soba
Summary: Random insanity of what happens when Anzu's mother is captured by Doma during NAWP. Featuring Amelda, Varon and Mmmm padding. Typed for Femme! You rock!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh but I did make up Anzu's parents.

Some of you had to be wondering: What kind of insanity was Rei going to unleash on Doma? You're about to find out.

* * *

I can't believe this!

No really!

I can't!

Being captured by an evil organization? That was okay.

Being separated from my family? Hell, I _needed_ a vacation.

Taking my pen? That was where they went too far!

My pen! Seriously! My pen!

I glared at the brown haired idiot who was scribbling something down on a torn bit of paper.

_Scratch, scratch, eeeeeekkk _

I tried to break free from my prison, a hardwood chair with padding. Mmmmm, padding. But that's not the point! My baby isn't supposed to go Scratch, scratch eeeeekkk! It's eeeekk scratch eeeekkk!

The idiot looked up, blue eyes shining. "How do you get this to work?" he asked in a stupid accent.

"Give me my pen or face death!" I roared, trying to break free of this soft and comfortable chair with Mmmmm padding…

"It's no use," I glared at the red headed traitor. And I baked him non poisonous cookies! I gave Yugi's slightly taller but more sinister cousin poison ones that I mixed with wasabi, liquor and cough syrup! I gave him soft, brown cookies with nuts!

Nuts! He has my pen.

"You! When I get out of this we are having a long talk about boyfriend material for my daughter! I'll have you castrated! Muhahahaha!"

The dolts looked to each other and shrugged. "I think she's forgetting who is who's captive." The red headed, lying, boyfriend or not dude of my daughter who is somewhere with her friends and crazy rock band and pilot…whoa…my head hurts.

"That's nothing! This bird tried to bite me! I mean it, she was going for the gold! She was gonna eat me!" the goggle boy cried in alarm.

The red head shrugged. "Go get her table," he ordered.

"Table? Kinda heavy…"

"It's my very expensive imported American maple table, you humph!" They gagged me! Me!

I'm getting angry…angry…grr! Why can't I be like the Incredible Hulk? Why was I cursed with no cool powers of superhuman strength like The Beast! Mmmmm Beast…

Vrrmmm!

My table! That idiot is going to saw it in half!

Vrr-swoosh!

Hehe, it's the five layers of polish that give my table its power. To fend off evil chain saws!

Vrrrrmmmmmmm

Aiiieee! I never thought about polishing the underside of it!

I spit that gag out and forced my soft and Mmmmm padded prison forward and bit that little goggle boy on the arm!

"Ahh! She's ripping the flesh! She's ripping the flesh!"

Hehe, mess with my table and there will be Hell, like the time when Daddy was in the hospital and Seta told him how he got me pregnant.

That was the fastest I've ever seen Daddy heal and jump off the bed and try to crush Seta. Hehe. Good times, good times.

"Amelda! Get the cattle prods! She won't let go!"


	2. AID

_Ass In Distress _

* * *

**Crackle!**

Aiie! My rump!

Why is this happening to me?

Why?

Was it that time I sold cookies at a Fat Camp? Hmm?

…….

Don't look at me like that! I was short on cash and had a lot of my Mother's double dutch cookies on me. I would have made more, had I been able to steal some of Uncle Naruto's ramen stash.

Hehe, he was my favorite Uncle, even though we weren't related.

This one time, he ate three bowls of ramen in one minute, I was like…Dude! But Father said that was one of his slower days.

**Snap, Crackle, Pop!**

Aiieee! My ass!

I don't believe this, that little no so little traitor of a future or maybe not son in law that might love or might hate my daughter…wow, brain fart.

The point is, Dummy (Varon) and Jackass (Amelda) are torturing me.

Dummy can pretend to be hurt all he wants but I am not letting go of his arm…for one, they haven't fed me and I am starving!

Aiie!

That's it!

Chomp!

"Son of a- Varon! Get her off of me!"

"No way, I'm not touching her again!"

"Don't just stand there!"

I looked up, that bastard was going to stab the padding.

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Riiiiiipppp!**

I let go. "Hey! Drop the knife, goggle head!"

**Riiiiipp!**

That little bastard is enjoying this!

"Dieeee!"

I was caught in my fearful lunge by a big hand.

I looked at the man and drooled. "Now why couldn't Anzu have liked you? At least we could've gotten some good looks in the family."

The other idiots burst out laughing until Jackass thought about the idea of Anzu and this big hunk.

"Not funny,"


	3. TSFTP

Too Sexy for this Prison

* * *

I still can't believe this! This hunky youth with cute little sideburns doesn't like my daughter!

My Anzu?

MY gift to men?

Let me rephrase that.

My ultimate tease to men?

…..

What! I know she's a babe but I have no intent of letting my little baby get knocked up!

I mean…look what happened to me! I'm a lawyer that makes criminals cry and beg for prison, I have total control over my husband in over 307 ways and I have a beautiful teenage girl and a handsome little boy who wants to be just like me!

A mini Rei. Hehehe, he does have my momma's eyes. Or are they daddy's? I have no idea, they do change from time to time.

Well, here I am now, tied to a stone wall in some dank and dark dungeon with no padding…mmmmmmmmmmmmm padding. And my only comfort is this infernal lobster tank in the other corner.

"So." I began to Big Jim. "Any word from the govener yet?" I asked.

Big Jim turned his back on my and resumed to beat other lobsters up for their lunch money.

I scoffed and took a chance to look at my hair. It was now molting from brown to pink.

A funny story.

I dyed it when I started law school. After the Burger World incident where I got a comment from some little punk and dunked his ass…in the fryer.

What! He lived!

"Need…"

I looked to my ugly guard. A big tin metal soldier that was for some reason walking around…I wonder if Nader became the President of that America land? That would explain all the weird shenanigan's going on in this nutbin.

"Need…souls…"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I need a coke!"

"Souls!"

"Coke!"

"Souls!"

"Coke!"

"…Coke?"

I sighed. "I'll have two cokes and a-"

"Souls!"

I growled. "Screw this! I'm too sexy for this prison!"

* * *

Well, thanks for the great comments so far! I love them! Femme just finished and uber cool story called He's a Lady and I command all of you to read and review! And for the love of pinapples on a bun will someone please be kind enough to read and review Digital Game? I'm not kidding, this is nuts!


	4. Cat Fight!

I sighed in annoyance.

I'm still in this blasted cell!

I'm bored, there's no cable T.V and worse…

…that blonde stud-muffin isn't in here to keep me company!

Damnit!

I've been in this hellhole for a grand total of two days. I'm losing my mind! This bossy little wretch named Seya has been in here all the time, questioning me about my Anzu! And then, the little hussy crossed the line.

She called my baby a tramp!

Speak of the bitch!

"Going to talk now?"

I sighed. "Alright, you caught me. I'll talk."

She leaned fore ward, a sneer on her face.

"I know that you're not calling my baby a tramp because don't think I didn't see you! Flirting shamelessly with that dumb tin can! You are doomed little girl! When my baby gets a hold of you, she's gonna kick your ass while singing Humpty Dumpty in seven different languages!"

**Smackers!**

My eyes rolled back in my head.

That little hussy just slapped me!

"Cat Fight!" I heard Big Jim call and all the other lobster inmates scrambled over to watch, bringing beach chairs and popcorn.

**Snap!**

Ha-ha! No chains can hold me! I'm a lawyer! I suck the blood of innocents and spew fire!

**Bam!**

Ha-ha! I'm whipping her ass!

**Slam!**

Oh! Yeah! I ripped a clump of hair out! This'll go straight to my trophy case!

"Holly! Help!"

"No way, I saw what happened with Amelda and Varon, you are so one your own!"

Rawr! Now to rip out that silicone in your hootters!

**Zap! **

Where the hell did she get that cattle prod! Now I'm gonna go Xena, Warrior Princess on your ass!

"Hey, what's going on?"

Was that brown haired idiot asking the lobsters?

"Cat fight!"

"Sweet!"

"Go get Dartz! He's got a video camera!"

(Right there, all you Fifilafemme)


End file.
